This is a true story, absolutely 100% free of exaggeration, embellishment or embroidery.
“This morning, a young man requested a ride.
When I picked him up, I just couldn’t decide:
Was his sense of smell deadened from years of abuse?
Or did he think cologne was a valid excuse
To forgo all societal bathing conventions;
I hope that seduction was not his intention,
As women aren’t usually too enthusiastic
When the scent of a man makes their bronchioles go spastic!
I wanted to tell him ‘Get out of my car!’;
I honestly doubted I’d make it as far
As the corner engulfed in that odious stench;
But I sucked up my misery, cuz I am a mensch.
I drove him uptown, each minute an hour!
No unit of time could diminish the power
Of that foul perfume, as it dug in its claws –
Surely this bastard is breaking some laws?
I tried to engage in some light conversation
But found that I couldn’t ignore the sensation
Of icy-hot knives stabbing into my nose;
Such was the force of the scent that he chose.
My eyes watered freely to try to assuage
That odious odor’s relentless barrage
But I suffered in silence, counting each second
While outside my window sweet SWEET fresh air beckoned!
After what felt like days, at last – we arrived!
I honestly couldn’t believe I’d survived.
He set out from my car with a smile and a wave,
Not seeing the under-dash finger I gave.
I wish that I’d mustered the courage to tell him
That even folks living in China could smell him!
I hate that his scent trailed me all the way home,
But at least this ordeal spawned a half-decent poem!”